About Mood

I found this writing in my another blog’s draft.

I do really really want to speak up fill the white spaces here with my thoughts about some things related to human’s heart content, about emotion a human has.

So, it is about:

mood \ˈmüd\

Definition (Merriam-Webster Dict):   a conscious state of mind or predominant emotion

As me being older, I’m trying to maintain my good mood. It is not easy, though. Veeerrryyy not easy, I say.

Moreover, the fact that a woman sometimes be in unstable emotion due to period.

Ever been in a bad mood since your parents instructed you to do the cleaning while you were studying for exam, like for tomorrow?

I have.

But I could have just started studying days before.

Ever been in a bad mood since you had been really exhausted but there were still things to do and people near you kept pretending that there was nothing  they could help?

I have.

But I could have just asked them for a help.

Ever been in a bad mood since things didn’t go well enough, and you’d be senggol bacok to others even to those who had no correlation with why things messed up?

I have.

Well, I may say that we, ourselves, are not fully responsible whenever our plan get messed up…

In Runaway Dreams, the main character choose to have faith in herself than in fate. But as for me, I choose in between. Very greedy of me that I can’t even take one out of two. I must say that I just don’t think one is better than another. The fact is there are things we can’t control, indeed. However, on top of whatever happened, we have arranged our plan, at least. It’s not that we’re letting things go by its own. We have control to decide what we wants to do, to choose one answer out of options available between the process. Somehow, what happened are just meant to be happened. Just like that. Furthermore, reasons why one thing not going well does really have no connection with people we’d face in another thing and it’s just not appropriate to put such a bad mood towards them.

Maintaining your good mood is sometimes like putting on a show. You gotta be acting, or pretending, sometimes. Pretending that you’re okay with everything that happens around you, even the bad one, or it’s something you don’t like, or it really doesn’t suit you, is exhausting. Eventually, you’ll feel exhausted, all by yourself since others think that you’re all fine (and I’ll find myself crying inside my room with nobody standing by my side).

Well, it’s not that miserable actually. It is not that bad.

Deep inside my self is not not-good, actually.

Controlling your emotion means that you have full control of yourself, doesn’t it? It’s such a self-winning that your good side like “Whack! Whoosh! Boom!”, and it turns out that it has successfully knocked your bad side down. It will be such a relief that you prevent yourself from hurting others, and so it’s also sort of preventing you from having a guilty feeling, or maybe from being hurt in the next time. Like people say, “Be good, and good will follow.”

Still, it’s not that easy as it seems.

Yet, it may be easier as the time goes.

Ayu Fatmawati


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