Failed April Wrap, So Let It Be A May Wrap

May has come. Well, we have been on its end, actually.

But, since I originally intended this post to be an April Wrap, let me still start from April.

>> Mini celebration in the middle of the mids

Having birthday in April may be one reason why I am so into April, not for the mid-test although my birthday always strikes in the middle of college’s mid-test.

So, my birthday passed just like another day passed. Growing up still becomes my inevitable dislike I have to face, though. But I have to admit that I am not a kid anymore. Here goes things I had prepared to do for this year birthday

– Be wise by expecting less to be less disappointed (checked)

– Love people who love me more (checked)

– Be happy by life I am living (checked)

Anyway, I still became a crybaby shed a little tear that I didn’t got a chance to meet Cynthia.

So it was such a sudden sugar crushed week by having cutie pie at home and sweet surprise ice cream party at campus. Thank you so-so-so much 🙂

>> Being a girl is troublesome

Liking someone is troublesome. Finding yourself lost in between excitement and pain, so confused of what to do, so clueless, so stupid. That troublesome. The funny thing is how a girl could hold her feeling while actually she could have just bluntly shout it out. Well, she can’t do just like that. I know it very well that a woman has a high pride, yet vulnerable heart. From my eyes, woman tends to feel insecured, so it is easier to make a woman love a man if he loves her than to make a woman risk her pride by making a first move.

But liking someone is … normal. Sometimes, me and my friends talking about the so-called crushes. Funny. As common girl in this highly traditional culture with high norm, I cannot just tell my true feeling, though. I hate the fact why girls are grown with a we-will-not-start-first minds. But, that’s the rule.  Once again, pride. Once again, insecurity. Well anyway, it’s not that matter, no need to overthink about it.

Sadly, letting it go is beyond my control. You can never tell a heart of a human, even of yours. Note to self is that I mustn’t forget to be human. I mustn’t building the walls up high. I must open up my self and my heart? I must, at the very least, smile. As a friend said, “Each feeling has its own time.” Letting it be might ease my mind. Like a childhood song, what will be, will be, maybe just like that.

>> Once, you might do not want to be stronger

I pray for myself to be stronger handling and facing things in life. But, maybe, there comes a time when everyone seems so weak, and you are the only one standing straight. It doesn’t make you wanna go stronger. Once, you might really want to cling yourself on others, but there is no one to hang on to. Hence, you might wish to be as weak as them.

>> May May be full of blessings

I’ll be waiting for other exhaus-citing days, for Thursday, or other days, for cold nights, or windy ones, for other unintentioned meetings, or other unexpected moments.

So that’s April, and this is May.

>> Three Tiring Weeks

Never expected that this semester will be this e-mey-zing (it may include sarcasm)

Tough, hard, hectic, whatever you call for weeks full of presentations, final assignments, quizzes, events, never-ending-to-do-job-lists.

Facing long sleepless nights facing screen, but thankfully still having a good health.

Feeling not so-satisfiedly handling responsibilities, but at least passing it (well enough?).

Most likely to fall but giving up is not an option.

Surprised to know the survival level of human :”

Getting much, much lesson from what(s) have been done and I believe those would be precious experience for me in the future.

>> About to Final

As my routine, please pray for us, the night fighters, the slide readers, the facing-final-students.

>> More To Go

Willingly to shout on another post soon.

Catch you in another time,

Ayu Fatmawati


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