Belajar ber-esensi

This will be part of my 2018 resolution – which is: ayu harus hidup esensial

Sebenarnya ini terinspirasi dari sebuah retweet dari seorang teman lama yang sangat menginspirasi (sebut saja regia), yang kemudian kepikiran ketika mau makan tapi gaada makanan.

This time, I will talk about: Makan

“Makanlah ketika lapar, dan berhentilah sebelum kenyang”

Baru sadar kalau ayu suka banget makan, suka – sampai kalau mau makan ya ayu makan, belum tentu karena lapar // butuh.

Sampai kemudian sadar kalau melakukan sesuatu banyak karena maunya, bukan cuma karena yang seharusnya: karena butuh.

Kalau soal materi, esensialisme mungkin maksudnya menggunakan harta demi keteguhan jiwa, kebersihan diri, di jalan-Nya, untuk mencari ridha-Nya – yang kesemua maknanya masih harus banyak kupelajari


There are things we just can not and do not need to know,
as we never know
how many more years we would live
or, simply
what’s in the heart of human.

Only The Almighty knows everything,
and for what will be, will be.

Adulting: about role

Role (n) — rol  \ ˈrōl \
– a character assigned or assumed / a function or part performed especially in a particular operation or process

(capek pake bahasa inggris)

jadi ya intinya ayu sedikit sadar kalau
setiap orang punya perannya masing-masing,
dan ayu harus makin yakin kalau
waktu yang dikasih bakal cukup-cukup aja buat mainin perannya – seutuhnya;
terus ayu juga tidak bisa tidak berterima kasih karena di hidup  ini
ayu bertemu orang-orang yang memainkan peran mereka dengan sangat baik,
sampai pada akhirnya, apapun perannya, akhir dari hidup setiap orang tetep sama: mati.

Adulting: about expectation

Expectation (n) — ex·pec·ta·tion  \ ˌek-ˌspek-ˈtā-shən , ik- \
– A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

Happiness may be caused by good thing comes when you least expect it.
Living 20+ years, I’ve known that what happens in life is not always be like what we want..
Yet I’ve just understood that human shouldn’t expect towards things in this life,
not anything,
but Allah.

Expecting nothing from the beginning might be easier than overcoming the hurt feeling of not meeting expectation afterwards.
Eh I can’t tell which is harder, both are not easy.
But this year I’ve finally realized what people said as “pedihnya sebuah pengharapan” (??)

Let’s admit that most of us ever had crush(es).
I was once, twice, expecting something from someone in return of what I had felt.

Then I realized I was so stupid,  thinking “Siapa aku berhak dicintai :(”
— but still expect magic happens between us??
Crushing only makes you desperate. Love should be reciprocate feelings, ryt?
Now I come to the point: just don’t have feeling towards other when he doesn’t have feeling for you — daripada capek sendiri.
So it should be like this: “Siapa kamu berhak aku cintai :)”
— gagitu juga deng – depends on people..

I mean, now I know when I want to give my love then it’s because I want to give it,
because of my inner self, without expecting in return.

At this state, ones I know loves me so much, bigger than mine, is Allah
— and Rasulullah, and followed by mom, dad, sister :’
I know my love for them will never be enough
— and who am I deserving love from any other else?


Expectation also becomes something that has to be managed well beyond that matter.
Having good school track record (in previous chapter) doesn’t guarantee having good life track record.
I am not as smart as I thought, and maybe smart is not enough, you need luck;
I also forget that you need to strive for what you want

Bye-bye time I’ve passed because of me expecting for the result, only
– without understanding the process (drop a tear)

So then from this adulting thing I embrace more feelings gitu.
It’s okay to be regretful a bit, sad a tiny little bit, unworthy a very tiny little bit, you can be not happy.
As those feeling can be self reflection.

Mungkin intinya just let it be, but still go for it 🙂
Gitu deh pokoknya.

#easiersaidthandone #namanyajugaanakmuda

Pain from falling?

So, I can say that I like to think, including any-thing?


Well, it started when I told myself, “Don’t fall”

But then I found myself asked, “Should I fall?”

then myself asked, again, “What if when I fall I get hurt?”

and myself asked, again, once more, “What if when I fall I hurt someone?”


I suddenly thought about a kind of this question:

Bagaimana cara jatuh tanpa ada yang terluka?


Apparently, what I got so far

Srizzati said “Pain is just consequence of love”

and a friend said “Pain cannot be separated from love”


and Alain de Botton said, “Unexpectedly, love is a skill we need to learn”


So? I still don’t get it

me – masih harus belajar tapi gatau gimana